Hay que destacar bien la melodía [You have to bring out the melody]
~ Emilio Pujol, Catalán guitarist
I have rewritten my first paragraph of this post about 10 times now, and it’s still not coming together. I guess I don’t know what to write. There has been so much going on inside of and around me, and I can’t even tell if I’m happy or if I’m sad… and right now… I’m just tired.
I think I know why babies cry all the time – it’s easier, when you don’t know how to make sense of things. Lately, I’ve been doing so much of that. Crying when I’m happy, tired, inspired, grieving – my feelings have been parading through my being like a carnival, gushing like a fountain from deep within my soul. I’ll admit that right now, as I type this, I’m kind of crying. I know, it’s utterly ridiculous. If I didn’t have a deeper feeling that this is the final burst of heavy rain before the sunshine, I’d be freaking out even more.
Who knows what it really is. I don’t know the answers. I’m just in a process of growing, learning and being stretched, and I don’t want to fight it – I want to learn, discover and sit calm while a million different things stir within and burst out of me, because I have a strange feeling that the season after this crazy time will be clearer and better.
Well, that’s enough for now about feelings. I don’t really want to lose all my readers right now (as you read with fear and suspicion at my apparent craziness, widen your eyes and delete me from your blogroll!), so moving on…
It’s been a busy few days, and I haven’t had the chance to blog about everything I’ve wanted to write about, so the rest of this post will be a little jumbled and random.
1. I miss Nish very much. Not just because she and Claire celebrated my birthday with me at Le Canard the other day… but now that she’s left, she leaves behind an empty Nish-shaped vacuum that can’t be filled by anyone. So I am thoroughly happy & excited for her as she leaves on a jetplane to pursue her dreams & further studies… but still, it’s hard to imagine that we’ll just have to contend with using the phone/email to stay in touch for now. Woe…!
2. One of the sweetest and most memorable giftwraps EVER for me is this one: my dear friend Haidee wrapped my birthday gift in a printout of one of my blog entries! Oh, my…
3. Last night, to celebrate Paul’s visit this weekend – we all had lamb with lemon, mascarpone and herb sauce, with carrots & broccoli roasted with orange juice & spices. THEN we sat next to the heat pump and played Spy Alley, yes a real actual board game… amusement!
4. This morning, Paul & I had our customary breakfast which I don’t really eat with anyone else – indomee! Salty, savoury, spicy, unhealthy instant noodles topped with fried eggs. :-) That, coupled with humorous, snort-inducing conversation is one of my favourite things to do with Paul!
5. In a bit of a spontaneous mood this morning, I made banana bread without much method to my madness… throwing things together without measuring them properly. Fork-mashed bananas, a squeeze of mascarpone, dribbles of cream and milk, some eggs, slivers of leftover chocolate & almonds, a splash of vanilla galliano…
…and to my surprise, it worked!!
This bread had a slightly crispy crust, which gave way to a light yet hearty loaf with just the right amount of sweet chocolate and almond bits scattered throughout. I feel this loaf had balance, combining the sensible nature of bread with the warm, indulgent feel of cake. Very, very good if you ask me – especially with a cup of tea!
(I’m omitting the recipe in this post as I really don’t know the exact quantities of ingredients used!)
6. Paul then patiently attempted to teach me some basic merengue dance steps in the kitchen; oh, it was hilarious! I could hardly move in a straight line from laughing so much. I’m so proud of how far he has come in his dancing though… it was inspirational and fantastic to watch, and that short time of getting up to dance again made me yearn to start dancing regularly again.
It’s joy, to feel the music, sense the rhythms, and yield to it all with movement. I can’t describe it. It’s like a revelation, a beautiful thing, a reason to live.