Tag Archives: growth

Growing by the day

Two months ago, I visited Temuka for the first time. Temuka is home to the famous Temuka Pottery, delicious South Island cheese rolls, and my dear friend Cathy. A very happy and relaxing weekend ensued where we wandered, ate, explored, walked, nattered on about stuff light & deep …

When I saw Purple Dino (see above) on his cookie tin perch this morning I couldn’t help smiling recalling that trip … one of my favourite memories of this year :-) It was on one afternoon drive with Cathy to nearby Geraldine that Dino found his way into my carry-on luggage for the journey home.

Dino (a bath toy) is my first real gift for our baby-to-come.

It’s been approximately 14 weeks since I found out that he/she was here, in tiny form, inside me.

I’m 19 weeks into the journey of pregnancy today and it feels like longer.

Already, I feel like I’ve changed, never to be the same again.

Since May, such things have happened:

  • My appetite has grown to resemble a bear’s
  • I am more grateful than ever for good friends, near and far!
  • I now understand the impact of nausea on everyday life
  • In similar fashion to our 3-week engagement/wedding planning, I quickly drew up timelines and got down to sorting out a midwife, paperwork, etc. This time at least we have a longer notice period??!
  • I developed an unhealthy habit of asking Google too many questions at night (and realised I should have listened to my midwife’s advice, to avoid the internet trap)
  • Pants have become an enemy of sorts
  • I have developed an ability to cry at everything, including at an idyllic scene in the movie “Christopher Robin” / the thought of my husband waking up early each day to take me to work before going to work himself
  • I have always admired midwives, physiotherapists, doctors, inventors, fellow mums – but my appreciation has increased tenfold! Kindness, expertise, advice, products, etc.
  • My body no longer agrees to vacuum the floor without protesting with pain for days afterwards
  • My desire for more travel, independence and adventures felt so threatened in the early days of pregnancy but surprisingly my heart has mellowed over the weeks on its own …
  • My body presents constant surprises. I don’t take mobility or feeling well for granted
  • My husband has been growing with me, in love, patience and much more
  • I currently do not panic about not being able to take pills to address an ailment
  • I never knew it was possible to love food this muchSometimes I look at a muffin and feel like an angel has just spoken to me
  • Emotional & mental wellbeing are not emphasised enough, for most of us especially with the way life is now – and I feel this quite a bit now
  • Our bodies … nature … even pain … have so much to teach us. I am humbled
  • Strength
  • Vulnerability
  • I can’t ‘do it all’ – all illusions have faded away. And I think that is great.

A few goodies I’m appreciating:

  • Smiley Belt – wearable support designed by a genius lady and a legacy continued by her daughter
  • Bio Oil – helping with the stretching & all I hope!
  • Pink dress – comfy and great for the office
  • Parry Soap – everyday luxury! NZ-made, wonderful smell & products for sensitive skin, been helping with my eczema patches – warm service too
  • dōTERRA oils – quality essential oils, on occasion I diffuse a couple of drops in the house (fav blend: bergamot/ lavender)
  • Isabella Anselmi shoes J and I got recently for me as I’ve graduated from heels on to flats / wedges
  • books
  • green tea
  • peanut butter & banana sandwiches
  • salmon – haven’t had it often but each time it is heavenly! and so beneficial too
  • our stove & oven! For everything from our everyday meals to a recent creme brûlée
  • simple pleasures like sitting in the sunshine/ walking in the park, some of the best things in life are indeed free. Side note: had my first mini ‘flying fox’ experience in the park today, my goodness that was scary before I got on and silly afterwards!

Loving someone requires a certain amount of malleability, a willingness to be pulled along, at least occasionally, by another person’s will […] I wanted things to be easier. Which meant, I knew , that had to be easier – about everything.

~ Molly Wizenberg, A Homemade Life

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treehousekitchen – a book

I’d finally come to understand what it had been: a yearning for a way out, when actually what I had wanted to find was a way in.
~ Cheryl Strayed

At some point, one of my dreams morphed into fear.

The child who had penned an earnest letter to a publisher overseas, who had felt a secret glow of pride at having her essays published in her school’s book of “model essays” – found herself trembling at the laptop, sitting by the bin … shredding journals by hand.

Once upon a time I saved up my words and felt sure I was destined to be an author. Praise felt like confirmation of what I already knew. Later on I still wrote, but I also loved the relief of discarding records of my truest thoughts. Not caring felt bad, but easier than caring.

Every so often, as I tried to make sense of things I could not articulate, I would try to inspire myself to ‘work on something creative’. Something light … not too close to the hurting parts of my heart.

I thought I would write a cookbook. Easy – it would be about something I enjoyed, but not something that required too much of ‘me’. After all, whenever someone asked me if I had thought of writing a cookbook, the idea would excite me. Whenever I wrote down things to work on, ‘cookbook’ made the list.

I would get excited, write earnestly for a while, filing photos by category to accompany my words. Then difficult emotions would resurface, and inertia. I would write, edit, and sigh in exasperation at my useless, overworked sentences.

Ego … pride … sigh.

I marvelled at the ways of the heart. So pure, yet deceitful, too.

I discovered the crippling power of anxiety, discontent and looking back at the past.

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One afternoon, last week or the week before? – I lay down the weight on my shoulders.

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I clicked my way to Zno (who, by the way, print fabulous photo books and deliver promptly). I found a folder on my computer in which I had stuffed various full-size photos from my blogging adventures / more recent cooking experiments.

I clicked and dragged. Within an afternoon, I had pages of complete layouts. Just images – no words. I showed two friends the online sample.

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Thankfully, Cathy suggested that I could “sprinkle a few words or comments across the pages like chocolate drops on a trifle”. :-)

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So I did. I let go of the desire to impress. I just had fun. I clicked “Save” and ordered five copies.

They arrived on Monday morning this week.

They are by no means complex or impressive works of art, or the most wonderful food book ever published.

But when I flip through the pages, I remember many good moments. And my body feels as light as meringue.

That’s good enough for me.

[UPDATE: you can order one, and receive a bonus with it – click here to find out more!]